It's 3am

Do you ever wish your brain had an on and off switch? Usually after I had a busy day, I lay awake in the middle of the night with a million thoughts running through my head. My brain manages to remember and over analyze everything. 

I was laying in bed the other night and thinking about how a few hours ago I prayed over a dear friend as she brought her prayer requests to me. At this point I started to play the prayer over in my head and over analyze what I said and what I could have said. Sometimes I sit there and think, "wow, I should have said this and that in my prayer because that's what she needed to hear." 

But then it hit me that it's not me that knows what she needs. It's God. He uses us and leads our prayers with the Spirit that brings life. It's not me or my words that make a difference but instead my willingness to let Him speak through me into her soul. And to be honest, I'm glad it's this way otherwise I, in my selfish human ways, would want to take the credit for myself and not give all the glory to Him. I am just an instrument in His mighty hands. 

It's funny how when we are physically tired and exhausted, we can lay in bed and even then the enemy will try to destroy us with feeding us lies. 

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. http://esv.to/1Pet5.8

zoom out

Sometimes when life throws curve balls at us, all I want to do is crawl into bed, curl up in a ball, cry and simply give up. (To be honest, when you live in a cold basement, staying in a warm bed sounds so appealing- but that's besides the point). It's a beautiful, yet painful, thing when God is trying to teach you to depend on Him and not on your own strength and circumstances. Although I'm a pretty positive person, often times I find myself focused on the negatives (the realist in me). But in times like these I have to remind myself that I only see a tiny little pixel of a bigger picture. I need to shift my focus from the little pixel, zoom out, and see the bigger picture that He sees. Sometimes I wish I had a zoom-in/zoom-out button in my life:) Although I don't always understand what is going on in my life, my hope is in the One that loves me deeply even when I fail.