raw, real and beautiful

Want to hear something crazy? Sometimes I fail. Let’s be honest here, it’s more than “sometimes.” I fail at life. I fail my friends and family. I fail myself. I fail God.

There are days where I feel like a superstar. I wake up on time without an alarm. Do my devotions and then go make my own coffee and breakfast. I go to work and get a lot done. After work I make dinner and spend some time with family. I even prepare for my small group meeting and reach out to some of the members to see how they are doing. I find time to read books on the side and take steps to reach my dreams and plan my next vacation.

I know, I can accomplish a lot in one day if I put my mind to it. Funny thing is, I only have maybe a handful of these days every year. No joke. Often times my life feels more of a mess than anything else.

The reality is most days I snooze for 45 minutes after my alarm goes off. I am running late for work and never have time to eat. Once I am at work, I have a million things thrown at me. The day goes by quick but often times I feel so empty when I realize I didn’t spend any time meditating on God in the 8+ hours I was at work. I come home mentally drained and all I want to do is watch some TV or go to bed.

There are days that I forget to check in with my friends when I know that they need support. I forget to offer a listening ear but instead focus on my own problems.

There are days that I neglect to spend time with my family. Other times I’m simply rude to anyone that speaks to me.

Sometimes I commit myself to events and projects but then realize that I am too lazy to do it. I say I will help out with something and then forget about it. I love planning and organizing but there are days when my brain goes blank and I can’t think, forcing the people that were relying on my help to scramble- sorry.

And then there are days where I neglect God. I don’t seek Him throughout the day. I put Him on the back burner. You know, “just in case I ‘might’ need Him.” My time is filled with anything BUT personal time with Him. I try to fill myself up with other ‘good’ things. Sadly the only time I realize that I am lacking Jesus time is when everything else has failed to satisfy me.

I am a mess. Ok, maybe not a complete mess but nonetheless I am. I am human. On any given day I fail.

But guess what?! That’s OK! I used to be so afraid of my weaknesses. That somehow they made me less. Less of a Christian. Less of a friend. Less of a daughter. In reality, we aren’t perfect. If we were, we wouldn’t need a Savior.

The way I see it, our weaknesses give room for God to work in us. For Him to reveal Himself to us like never before. My weaknesses make me constantly aware of my need for Him. If my life was always perfect and peachy, if I never struggled and faced trial, I wouldn’t even think about seeking Him- that’s the reality. I would be depending on my own strength and wisdom.

This is how the Lord answered Paul’s plea in 2 Corinthians: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” And then he goes on to say “for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

In our weaknesses, there are so many opportunities for God to work and for His name to be glorified.

In our days of social media, we all post only the best. The best pictures of ourselves. The best plate of food. The best outfits and the best vacations. It’s funny how we will go the extra mile to make our pictures look “just right.” Guilty! There is nothing wrong with posting the best. I get it. The thing is, often times we start to think that people in our social media networks have these perfect little lives. When in reality none of us will ever post a “bad” picture. I am not saying that we should start posting our bad pictures, struggles and who knows what. No. All I want to do is encourage you to be honest with yourself about your weaknesses and realize that it’s ok. None of us are perfect. Far from it. But most importantly be honest with God. Whatever is on your heart, be honest with Him. After all, He knows our hearts far better than anyone.

I found that there is something beautiful about being open and simple raw with God. I find peace in knowing that He has called me for a purpose and that He will sanctify me so that I will be blameless for the day of the Lord. When we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. How are we supposed to draw near to Him if we aren’t honest and real with ourselves about our struggles?

Dear soul, it is OK to be weak and broken. Let all your weaknesses point you back to Christ. His grace is enough. I am thankful for my weaknesses. It always draws my focus back to Him.

tyj 

trees, forests and everything in between

This past fall I went on a trip that easily became my favorite. My brother and I decided to take a few days off and go out to Yosemite and Sequoia national parks. I knew these places were beautiful but I had no idea how much I would fall in love with them. Simple things like the rays of sunshine shining through the big Sequoia trees as we drove through the mountains made everything feel magical as if we were in a fairytale. My friends and family know that I absolutely adore trees. You know, the big, tall, majestic redwoods and pine trees. This could not have been a better place to visit. All I wanted to do is stop in a middle of a forest and take it all in. I love the rich and crisp air in forests. I know, I am weird, but out of all the places in the world that I could be at, I would always pick the forest. It has so much character and life to it that it would be impossible to ignore this gem.

We spent some time hiking and enjoying the massive trees in Sequoia National Park. As we drove into the park, we saw significant sections of the forest damaged due to fires. It made me think how grateful I am to the firefighters that try to contain the fire in order to preserve the beauty of these parks. Some of those trees are as old as 3,000 years. I can’t imagine them burning down and leaving the forest empty. What struck me the most was the amount of large trees that had fire damage on them yet they were still standing and growing. We later learned that these trees basically need four things in their environment for them to grow and prosper. One of which was an ashy ground. I was a bit confused how a fire, something so damaging and hurtful, is able to be a good thing. Well, a fire clears out areas on the forest floor, which creates light and opportunity for other trees to continue to grow without fighting for resources. Once the trees have an opportunity to grow, obviously it takes a long time for them to become so big and beautiful. Not only that but it is strong from within. A tree to big and tall wouldn’t be able to withstand all the winds, storms and fires if it were empty and hallow on the inside. Another thing that blew me away was the fact that the roots of theses massive 300-foot trees were only 3 feet below the surface. Like what?! I couldn’t believe what I heard. I mean how can a tree so big hold itself up? It turns out that although the roots aren’t deep, they spread across, left and right, while interlocking roots with their neighbors and in turn support one another. Personally, I think this is the coolest thing ever!

You just received a mini lesson on trees, you’re welcome. There is something about nature that always draws me back to Him (maybe because He is the creator, haha?).  So many times on our faith walk we want growth to come overnight. We know what we want and we want it now. These trees remind me that growth doesn’t come in a blink of an eye. We need to give it time and let the Creator develop and guide our hearts to reflect His. He uses our most painful moments to make something beautiful. Many of the Sequoia trees came from ashes. Literally, the thing that brings hurt and pain doesn’t stop God from using it for our growth and His glory. It is mind blowing to know that there is nothing out of His reach. It was equally amazing to realize that we as followers of Christ are supporters of each other. We are not able to stand on our own. We need to look to our left and right and spread our roots and His love in every which way.

"He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me." 

~David Crowder